After reading the title my mind continues with a "vroom vroom." Oh come on you know that 1960s one hit wonder by "The Shangri-Las". Or was I the only one brought up listening to the golden oldies? Unfortunately, I'm not referring to this classic from the pop album "Teen Anguish". My leader of the pack is me... well it's supposed to be. According to the dog whisperer, Cesar Milan, your dog should respect you as the leader of the pack... even if it's a pack of one.
Now my sister told me today that I reached a new level of nerdyness for reading this book, but what does she know she isn't leading a pack. What I'm learning is that dogs pick up on your energy and attitude and determine whether you are a suitable leader... if not then they take charge. Hmmm. I think I'm might take a dogs approach on this.
Projecting the right energy is very important in dealing with dogs or any animal for that matter. The energy that dogs respond best to is calm/assertive. That's a tough balance to maintain. I have a hard enough time bordering assertive and aggressive. Aggressive behavior isn't welcomed or respected in a pack. You don't lead by barking at and biting all the other pack members. So why do we think yelling will work for us? I will definitely need practice working on my calm energy. Staying calm isn't in my emotional repertoire.
Who thought being a leader of an animal would take so much personal reflection and change? So if we want the best dog I have to be the best person? Hmmm I'm guessing this applies to children and parents as well. There should be a selection process in order to have a child. That's a whole other blog.
Anywho so I'm realizing that if I want a good dog I have to change my energy to be calm and assertive. I want my little Vive to be well-behaved and maybe some day be a therapy dog that can interacts with the young and old that could use some furry love. But first off I need to be the leader of the pack... vroom, vroom.
Have you ever been interested in something and people tell you to just go for it? Say you are a great cook so people tell you that you should just open a restaurant. Or if you are a talented singer that you should just go to Nashville and record an album. I hate it when this happens. Do people really think that if you enjoy cooking that its easy and simple to just open a restaurant. What if you only like cooking for your friends not the masses. Also, who just moves to a big city and walks into a recording studio and gets a deal signed. Please don't tell me of all the lucky exceptions because I already know they exist. I was just walking in the mall and someone saw how beautiful I was and now I'm a super model. Blah Blah.
Reality. It's a huge commitment to try to start up your own business and put yourself on a chopping block. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to reach your dreams and do whatever it takes. All I'm saying is that it's not as easy as people make it sound. There's no "just" in following your dreams. It's "just" not that easy.
The past week I've been bombarded by my families "just" do this or that statements. My family wants me to pursue a career in film. Luckily it's an unpopular interest in our current culture. They tell me that I should make short films and ask why I don't try to get business for commercials or weddings. It seems that everyone else is doing it so why am I the only one procrastinating? Probably because everyone is doing it. Just go to youtube and you can find millions of videos that could distract for years if you like. I'm not sure I want to compete.
Now I can totally admit that 90% percent of my hesitation is insecurity. The film industry isn't known for keeping their doors wide open for new comers. I'm not expecting to walk right into Universal Studios and have them put me behind the camera for their next film. I know I have to start from the bottom and work my way up. I just don't know which bottom looks up. If I knew that I could start as the coffee girl for Spielberg and that there was a future in sight then of course I'd jump right in. Yet where is the progression from doing wedding videos working with bridezillas?
So where do I start? My family thinks that I should just press record and see what happens. Yet first I have to write a script, story board, buy or rent lighting and sound equipment, find a location, audition actors, all before I bust out a camera which is only a hand-held. Then there is the is the production, set-up, work with actors, shoot, re-shoot, re-shoot again. After that hassle there is the post-production. For every minute in a film there is about an hour of editing to go with it... and then some.
Geez I don't know why I don't want to make films on my spare time. It's "just" so simple. Even though it is a lot of work I don't mind working hard when I feel confident in the outcome. Excuses aside I think I'm just worried that I don't have what it takes. Technology is constantly advancing in this field. If you don't know how to do animation you're pretty much worthless as an editor. Unless you want to do wedding videos... ehhh. Also, I don't know how to do everything required by myself. I can't afford to hire anyone that wants to invest into my future... I guess that is what family is for. I know this all sounds like complaining, which it is, but I really do appreciate all their help. Now if they could just get me Spielberg's number.
If anyone has any ideas on how to "just" go for it let me know. Well not an idea, but a plan.... foolproof preferably.
Diets? I don't really believe in them. I think that you shouldn't try any diet that you can't maintain for the rest of your life. If you can't refrain from carbohydrates forever then a Atkins diet wouldn't work for you. Everyone needs carbs anyways so I'm not quite sure how healthy that diet is anyways. I believe that if you want to eat healthy that you shouldn't just shoot for a month or two, but a lifetime. If you eliminate something from your normal eating habits for a short while and it causes you to lose weight it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that you will put that weight back on once you reincorporate it. I haven't always been the smartest when it comes to my health. I've always been more of a eat whatever you want and burn it off before or later. Nothing was going to stop me from enjoying pizza and pizookie (best cookie ever... served with ice cream). Well now those fitness days are over do to injuries and I have to start watching what I eat. What a hassle.
I've always had problems with digestion so I decided to give juicing a try. I wanted to do a detox weekend and clean out my system. I didn't detox, but did gag over some beet juice I made. Bleh. I believe that juicing is a great way to incorporate fruits and vegetables smoothly into your system. Kale and fennel is something I would never eat otherwise. I still enjoy juicing, but it can be a lot of work for a little juice and isn't something you can do for every meal. Well I wouldn't recommend it.
Now like I said I don't believe in diets, but I have discovered a way to eliminate some harmful foods that I might be allergic to. Hypoallergenic diet is a diagnostic diet that helps you identify foods that your body might be sensitive or allergic to while making you aware of what foods optimizes your health. Basically what you do is eliminate foods that doctors and nutritionists have discovered to be allergenic. I haven't been diagnosed with any allergies, but some allergies are harder to spot. I know that this seems finicky, but its worked for some and I'm hoping it'll work for me.
What I can't eat.
Meat: pork, beef, veal, cold cuts, sausage, shellfish
Dairy: eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt (this will be the hardest one)
Starch: all grains and gluten products (death to taste buds)
Beverages: soda, fruit drinks, tea
Fruits: bananas, dried fruit, jams, jellies
Fats: margarine, refined oils, spreads, peanuts
What I can eat is everything you don't want to eat... healthy food.
The Hypoallergenic diet plan is to eliminate these certain food for 4 weeks and then reincorporate them one by one. For example, if you reintroduce pork into your system and your body has a negative reaction then you know that you could be allergic to pork and then should reduce or eliminate it from your normal eating habits. I hope I'm not too allergic to anything I love dearly. If I found out I was allergic to chocolate my body would just have to suffer forever.
This will be definitely be a challenge. I feel that I've over compensated this past week to prepare myself for the detox. So far in 2 days I've had a greasy breakfast burrito, reuban sandwich, berry cobler, bbq ribs, and pizookie. I have 3 more days to enjoy food before starting this month long torture on February 1st. It is just a coincidence that I chose the shortest month. Don't judge. Well wish me luck and if anyone eats chocolate around me in the next 28 days I might bite their hand off... human flesh isn't off the limits. Zombie diet?
Ear candling... or also known as ear coning isn't about making candles out of ear wax. Does that exist?... or is it just in Shrek. Ear candling is a technique that uses a beeswax or paraffin wax coated cloth shaped into a conical cylinder that is placed just inside the ear and when the top of the candle is lit on fire the smoke creates a whirlwind that heats up your ear wax and vacuums the wax up into the sides of the candle. During the procedure all you will feel is a warm tickle in your ear along with hearing the crackle of burning paper.
Don't you need ear wax? Yes you need wax to protect your inner lobes, but not an excess. Ear candling does the same thing as when you use q-tips to get out the wax build-up in your ears. Getting your ears candled can help clear out debris, sinuses, congestion, and help tinnitus (ringing or popping), allergies, and swimmers ear. Since both me and my mom are sick what better way to clear out the mucus.
Ear candling isn't a new-age trendy remedy like the raw food diet or juicing. This technique has been done by Indians, Middle-Easterns, Native Americans, and Ancient Egyptians. Even the Mayans believed it helped with spiritual cleansing. Ear candling was either done with a wax cone or a ceramic cone back then. The picture below is a mask for Pacal the Great, a Mayan ruler in 683 ad. Supposedly the ceramic tubes seen here were used for ear coning.
There is a lot of skepticism about this technique. Some say that it could be hazardous to your health. Others say that it is just a hoax and that the smoke couldn't actually create enough of a pull to get wax out of your ear, but instead could actually get candle wax in your ear. I understand that this isn't a scientific medically proved practice, but if it has lasted this long there must be some benefits to it.
Everyone can make their own judgement... hopefully after they give it a try. It might actually not have any medical benefits, but that didn't stop the Pacal the Great and it won't stop me. Even without proven medical benefits to ear candling somehow I still feel better when I leave. The benefits might all be mental, but isn't that the best kind.
My luck is out. As I was driving to work I was thinking about blogging about how unlucky I've been in the past year. I used to be extremely lucky. My mon thought I was the luckiest girl she's ever met. I'd win bets, card games, contests and most of my life stuff stuff was just handed to me. I got a free ride to my university. After graduation my coach asked me to be his assistant. Then a friend recommended me for a job in Europe and 6 months later I'm living abroad. I loved life and she loved me. Ever since I moved back home lady luck treated me as if I called her fat then slept with her husband.
I've never had as many sicknesses and injuries as I've endured these past two years. My hip injury has lasted over a year and still no recovery is in sight.
Also I've never been so unlucky at work. When I moved back home I couldn't find any work. Now this isn't a surprise to some due to the economy. Geez get in line Amy. However, I was shocked. It didn't matter that Shasta county had the highest unemployment in California and third worst in the nation I thought I was such a valuable asset that every business would want me. Starbucks didn't even want me. I finally got my old job back teaching tennis under a new tennis pro. I've never quit a job before without something better, but I couldn't stand one more day at this job. My boss was a selfish controlling sexist asshole and every day added so much unnecessary stress that after I quit I was elated and was never so happy to be unemployed.
I just don't know where my luck went. I haven't won a bet in over 2 years. All my sports team seem to cripple under the pressure I put on them. For example, Roger Federer is the best tennis player of all time. He set the record for 16 grand slam titles. He is amazing to watch. He was made for tennis. So you would think he would be a pretty safe bet? Well that's what I thought. Well when my boyfriend was disrespectful enough to say that Roger's time was over and that he wouldn't win another slam I quickly refuted. It's not like it had been 2 years since his last win. I bet that Roger would win another grand slam in the next year. That gives him 4 chances to prove that he is still the all time greatest. What was on the line was a nice expensive dinner at Kobe's steak and seafood restaurant in town. Mmmm I could taste victory. First came the French. Clay isn't his best surface, but he is the greatest... or he was? He lost in finals to Nadal. Nadal is a beast on clay.
Next. Wimbledon. Grass is his surface. This is the tournament for him. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga beats him in the quarter-finals. Quarter-finals!!! I don't remember the last time he lost before the semis. Still two more chances. US Open. I'm starting to get a little nervous now. He goes up against the #1 in the world Novak Djokovic in the semi-finals. Nooooo. Another loss.
This week the Australian Open started. Here is Roger's last chance to prove that he is still the greatest... in my eyes and wallet at least. He gets to the semi's without much trouble until he meets up with Nadal again... not again. So yesterday when I was watching the match screaming at every mistake. Nadal had just gone up 2 sets to 1 when I had to leave for work. Nail biter. I made sure not to check facebook so I didn't see any statuses giving away the results. I hurry back to work and resume watching. It's 2-2 in the fourth set when my stupid tivo had somehow stopped the record. Why?!!! I guess it will be better to just rip the bandage off and look online... Aaaahhhhh.... NOooooooo!!! Put the bandage back on. Shit. Kobe's dinner it is. And from now on. No more bets... at least till that dumb slut luck comes back to me.
Pressure was on. Today in my print making class I was making my first print this semester. I was a little unsure of myself, but sometimes it's best to just commit because your first print usually won't be your best. As I laid my print on the press my teacher rounded up the class to watch me roll my print. I had put a lot of ink on my plate so that it would smear down onto the paper and the teacher wanted the new students to watch this technique. If everyone was just silent and watched that would still be enough to make me squirm. The teacher unaware of my distaste for attention asked me to sing a song while I rolled to help maintain an even rolling tempo. When I refused to punish the class with my singing voice the teacher then told everyone to stare at me. Eeeeeek. Then he had everyone hum and someone recommended the Jeopardy theme song. I felt my whole body get extremely hot. Why did I have to wear sweat pants? Even though my print wasn't a masterpiece I was content with the outcome and I hurried off to my table out of the public's eye. I could just feel the judgement on the back of my slouchy beanie... "hmmph she isn't that good for a advanced student..." If you aren't in the public eye no one cares to comment on anything you do which is just the way I like it. Under pressure and survived.
"Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor. These are the days it never rains but it pours"
Pressure strikes again. A few hours later as I pulled into work and parked I saw a flash in my rear view mirror. Blue and red. Noooo. What did I do? The motorcycle cop (those are the meanest) pulled up behind me. I get out of my car as he asks me that rhetorical question, "Do you know why I pulled you over?". Even though I had a guess I wasn't going to make it easier for him. He pointed out that I didn't signal 3 times. I told him that my blinker was broken which it is. "Both of them?" Damn tricky cop. "Ummm well the right one is totally broken and the left works sometimes." The left could have a new problem. Maybe. Luckily, I was making mostly right turns because I had proof that one didn't work and quickly showed him. I also let him know that I had just taken my car into the shop last week and was planning on ordering the part soon. I was talking so fast and frantically that he had to remind me to show him my license. "Oh my license?!" It's right here... Ahhh where my wallet... No. No. No. Oh there it is tucked in the corner of my stupid purse. Next was insurance. I know where that is because I just got the new card. Yet he needed the paper with the expiration date. What's that? This isn't going well. The cop is starting to look annoyed. I'm doomed. He asked if I worked here (referring to channel 7). Yes and if I knew I was getting pulled over I would have parked far far away from here. He asked what I did. While Audio and Master Control Operator sounds significant the pay doesn't reflect the prestige (which is worth a little more than minimum wage). I didn't want the cop to think I was well off and just being irresponsible, but instead, like most, struggling with financing an old car's repairs.
The cop then lectured me on how important it is to signal because I could be held accountable for an accident. I just agreed and nodded my head in agreement while putting my hands up in the "I'm so sorry. I didn't know" position. Finally he said he'd let me go. I can breathe again. "But!" I had to get my car into the shop tomorrow and call him to let him know. Yes of course. Absolutely. Grovel. Grovel. His name was Boone and his number was 180. He asked if that was half of 360. Ummm I'm having a mental breakdown I can't do math right now. The cop handed me back my license and put his helmet on. As he drove away I walked into work. Right when I stepped through the door I heard a loud applause and saw that everyone had gotten up from their cubicles to watch my run in with the law. Someone yelled, "what did you do?", "Busted blinker" I yelled back. Good thing motorcycles can't bring drug sniffy dogs. Jk. Most had seen the cop let me off the hook, but those who were far sighted I let know I got off ticket free. More applause. By the time I walked to my work station I was sweating and immediately took off my layers. Wow. All for a little blinker. It took about an hour for my body temperature to return to normal.
"It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about"
I cracked. As I was leaving work one of the news director's wanted to talk to me about the application I sent in for a new position at work. I wasn't ready for this talk. She wanted to know what my interests were and what I wanted to do. I word vomited everywhere about what I was good and not so good at doing. I could hardly understand what I was saying. Also, my eyes were shifting all over the room. She then asked if I would be interested in moving to another town 1.5 hours away covering the reporting in that area. Why did I wear this stupid hot puffy vest. I'm definitely going to need a shower. For the first time I didn't have anything to say and just stood there silently contemplating. This was not the day for quick thinking... She told me to think it over and we'd talk about it later. My head was spinning. I don't want to move, but I'd love to be able to do something I'm interested in and do it full-time with benefits. Pressure in my chest... oh no heart attack. After I left her office I walked out to my car and sat thinking. Why is it that what you want always comes with such stipulations?
"This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure"
The humbling moment when you realize that last week you might have been an irrational, hyper-sensitive, psychotic bitch... In the moment you feel like finally everything makes sense and you just acquired the confidence to voice your injustices. No I'm not about to start my period. I just had it ummm... 1...2... maybe 3 weeks ago. Damn. But that is besides the point this is how I feel!
Although at any time of the month if you ask how my diets going while I'm eating pizza I'm not going to respond well. I might not always spit the food out and go in bed and cry, but... "wtf are you trying to say... you asshole!!!" might be a close second. So when that certain visitor inside yourself comes there should be some protocol to follow. Fight or flight. When my sis is peaking hormonal breakout I choose the latter. When I'm the helpless victim to mother nature (that bitch) all I want is constant affirmation, to be left alone, never left alone, chocolate, healthy food, can't you see I'm on a diet! I pity those who can't seem to get it right.
Dooms day. Yesterday I was punished once again by biology. As I wondered around the house sick with a cold I look at clock as it read 12pm and realized that my class was starting now not 1pm like I thought. I rushed to class where I waited for 2 hours as the professor went over safety tips for the beginners. During that time I got a visit from Charlie. Really Charlie? Damn insensitive intruder. I thought that visit wasn't for another month of two. Guess that damn bf was right. Then my teacher points out "paint" (aka toothpaste for my zit) on my face. How did I forget to wipe that off? Ugh. I'm going back to my dungeon. Don't wake the dragon. Unless you love to be around the mix of a flesh eating zombie having a temper tantrum and a god complex? That's what I thought. See you soon. Bring chocolate.
Today I told my bf that I'm starting an allergy free food diet on Monday and that he will be supportive or I'll rip his f•••ing face off! Now that was someone I loved. So beware. But if you do bring me chocolate I'll love you forever. Well until I start my diet... cause if I see you with chocolate then... I keel you.
Now you might think I'm a little crazy, but it could be so much worse. I heard this on the news, a lady named Becker drugged her husband then as he was asleep she cut off his penis and threw it in the garbage disposal. Ouch. All she told authorities were "He deserved it.". True story. Maybe he didn't do his dishes... or put the seat down... or indirectly said something about her body. Crazy huh. Everyone knows to wash their dishes. I mean after you work all day then come home and make a delicious meal the undeserving swine has a choice between doing the dishes after commenting on how great the meal was oooor keeping his pecker. Guess that guy made the wrong choice. Tisk Tisk. This should be a lesson to all otherwise your girl might go Becker on your pecker.
something like that
Luckily my boyfriend doesn't frequent my blog so I have time calm down before he sees the proof that he might have been right... that is if I let him out of his cage.
Coming up next... I know that most people have their few shows that they never miss. I don't know if it is my commitment issues, but I haven't ever been too attached to any show. Of course, there are show I enjoy watching, but I always feel guilty that I'm not being productive. I can see the attraction to certain shows and the characters that make them popular, but to work your day around the tv guide seems depressing. I remember asking my sis to hang out during "American Horror Story" hour and I was quickly rejected. Ridiculous.
Growing up I was only allotted 2 hours of tv a week. Since I didn't have many places to go on Sunday night I kept up to date with my two favorite childhood shows. The "The Simpsons" (longest running scripted show in tv history) and "The X-Files" were what brought my family together on Sunday nights. I remember my dad yelling "It's starting, hurry it's starting" and me and my sis would run into the living room to catch the always unique intro of the "The Simpsons". Now you might not think these shows are made for kids, but they were made for me and my family. My mom didn't always join this Sunday tradition. She didn't understand the humor of "The Simpsons" or the kookiness of "The X-Files". Granted I did have a hard time watching Agent Mulder and Scully investigate the paranormal by myself... well without nightmares anyways. David Duchovany became my tween tv crush and my dad had the best "Do'h" in town. My family has Simpons memorabilia around our house and I even have X-File trading cards... yep they exist.
I know that people rave about current shows on today, but nothing compares to my childhood favorites. I mean what shows are on today that investigate aliens and the paranormal, but with a tongue and cheek humor. Some episodes would be extremely scary with aliens and creatures killing innocent victims, but then there would be a quirky episode with an ocd vampire. What a perfect balance. Also, the characters were just so unique, from the FBI agents to the mysterious "smoking man", and the nerdy "Lone Gunmen". Classic.
"The Simpons" would sometimes get a bad rap from some conservative folks who thought Bart was a smart mouth who disrespected his parents and that Homer was a dead beat dad. While there were traces of disorder amongst the Simpson family at the end of every episode the family feud was settled and there was a lesson to be learned. They always stuck together. I even did a presentation of the positive Christians undertones that would frequent the show. I mean who was more positive and selfless than Ned Flanders? Any parent should hope their children would pick either of my two favorites over trash like "Jersey Shore" and every other tv show out there.
Anywho. Back to my original point. For as much as I loved both these shows my Sundays got busier as I got older and my college dorm room didn't come with a tv. To be honest I've never bought a tv anywhere I lived. It's not that I'm anti-tv because I find them to be very useful to watching movies (now there is an obsession) but I just don't feel like being in a long term relationship with meaningless characters. As much as I love little Lisa one of us had to grow up. Unfortunately it had to be me. I still love "The Simpsons" and I'm not opposed to having a few tv relapses, but I just don't take the time any more. If someone wanted to buy me all the episodes of both my favorite shows I won't be opposed, but don't expect me to have marathon because I'm more the delayed gratification type. If I watched just one episode of "The Simpsons" it would take over a year and a half to watch all 550 episodes... for marathoners it would only take 9 non-stop days.
I think the reason I don't really like tv is because of what it represents to me. It makes me think of kids growing up who didn't get outside much and older people who didn't get outside at all. I know my parents enjoy their shows like "Pawn Stars" and every cliche detective show, but how many ways can someone commit a crime or buy and sell a 1950s coke machine. If everyone just turned off the tv for just one of their shows a day and trade it for a nice walk think of how much more healthy of a nation we would be. Maybe I'm being a hypocrite since I work at a tv station and I put the drugs on air. Or I'm proof that you are strong enough to break the bonds of tv since I read during my shift... well except during "Friends" reruns... but who doesn't love friends.
I really don't know what my point is anymore. Just don't get sucked into the black whole and go outside or read or something... Unless the Australian Open is on. Go Federer!!
Tonight I had the best co-worker show up. My boyfriend surprised me by dropping off my puppy, Vive, at the end of my shift. Now I'm not the first one to bring a dog to work so don't worry. I was planning on waiting till I was a little more confident in her potty training, but who could send my adorable girl away. She just bring so much life every where she goes. Towards the end of my shift I don't have much to do so she is the perfect distraction from having to endure another episode of the "Bachelor".
I think that every job should let you bring your dog. How much happier would everyone be if they were next to their best friend. If you don't have a dog, cat, or furry friend then you are probably just an unhappy person and nothing can help you. Sorry I think that pets are just a vital part of life. I think it's unfair for parents to not let their kids have a pet to raise and look after. I believe it teaches you how to care for another life and respect other living things. I'm not condoning people who don't have any pets, jut concerned for them.
I seriously wish I could take my Vive everywhere; school, gym, store, mall, everywhere! Restaurants are the one place I don't always appreciate having furry friends. Not just because I hate feeling hungry eyes looking up at me during every bite I take, but because I don't always enjoy everyone else's dog staring at me too. I had one bad experience with a dog in a restaurant. It wasn't a nice or friendly dog and while the owner warned me I thought why bring a poor behaved dog to have dinner with a bunch of strangers. Anywho. Other than that I'd take my little girl anywhere.
Wait... where did she go? Vive! Vive! Oh phew there she is. So maybe she was a little bit of a distraction at times. We do have a lot of cables around. But luckily other employees enjoyed the distraction as well. So maybe she couldn't spend the whole shift with me, but right now as she lays peacefully nearby she is the perfect co-worker to get me through work. Now if only I could teach her how to press buttons.
"Hey you aren't sick are you?" Right after I responded "no" a felt a slight tingle in the back of my throat. It was as if my body knew something my mind didn't and it was trying to answer the question correctly. Phhh what does my body know. That night the tingle in my throat felt less like a tickle and more like I swallowed a sandpaper gum ball. I've heard that by the time you feel the symptoms of sickness it is too late to do anything. That however did not stop me from trying. Inconveniently I was house sitting so I did have access to my regular remedies. As I scrounged through my friend's house I finally found their sick stash (cold antidotes... not secret stash of fireworks or anything). I didn't know what some of their vitamins were so I looked them up online and took them as long as they weren't detrimental to my cause. Then I found some throat coat tea and mixed it with some other wellness tea. I also finished off their jug of orange juice. I will not be defeated.
The next morning I followed the same routine. My throat was a little sore, but I didn't have a direct hit. It felt like my body was fighting hard. I was on a sick/healthy teeter-totter. As the day progressed my throat cleared up and I was feeling like I had won. I was so confident that I took my puppy on a little walk in the afternoon. It was a little chilly out, but I was bundled up so I figured I was safe.
Later at work I went ahead and had some more sickness tea just to cover my bases. I believed that my strategy had worked and I had over come the bacteria trying to infiltrate my system. Since I was no long sick I had no problem dancing at The Rooster Party (an art party put on at my local church). If you live in town this is definitely worth attending.
rooster partier
That evening I felt another little throat tickle. How could this be possible? I had conquered these dumb pathogens (bad bacteria). So I go through the regimen again: oj, tea, vitamins. I wake up at 8am and the war was lost. My throat burned like I had swallowed a cactus and I felt like my pillow was taking revenge by gaining 20 pounds and laying on my face. Why is everything so blurry? Where did I go wrong?
So if anyone has any advice or cures for a sore throat and cold let me know. Today I've been able to lay around at home all day, but tomorrow I prefer not to face the work week feeling like POW. Damn you virus!
Blogging method? There is a whole world of bloggers with all different kinds of topics, purposes, and styles. So last night I went through all the blog settings and read a bunch different forums on how to make your blog standout and attract an audience. Does this make me a nerd? Since it was friday night it probably just makes me lame. Oh well. I didn't know there was such a strategy to it. I thought you just wrote and people read, which is probably why my main audience is my family who reads mostly out of obligation.
Some of the recommendations for attracting a crowd are creating post titles that will pop up in search engines, set up pings (still have to research what that is), link to other blogs, comment often, pretty much spend more time not blogging. Also, you can add lots of little gadgets to distract your audience from reading your posts. Since I love gadgets I added a bunch of them. My favorite gadgets are slideshows and music playlists. There are so many that I haven't figured out, but a cluttered blog is a bad blog... so I might need to delete a few.
After an hour of research I added a link to my sister's blog. I don't know how that will advance my blog in anyway. Hopefully she'll feel obligated to do the same. That's the goal anyways, along with promoting her of course.
There are so many different things you can do to help enhance your blog that it can be overwhelming. For example, finding your audience. Who think about that? I could have a food or fitness blog, but it would require me to cook or workout every day. Who has time for that? Also, I'm not sure I want to be limited in what I can write about. But maybe I should find my niche. What kind of people want to hear about the inner workings of my life? Hmmm. Uh oh. It might be time to change tactics. Any ideas?
As I was researching the blog world I did read that the most important thing about blogging is your writing. That's a relief... kinda. While my grammar might make my high school english teacher cry... oh wait I was home schooled... so if my mom is crying its because she failed. My upbringing might have stunted my English skills, but hopefully the rest of my life has left me with experiences and a certain outlook worth reading about. If not I'm open to suggestions. And by suggestions I mean links to money making blogs not your actual opinion.
Who doesn't love sitting by the fire on a raining day reading a good book? That is exactly what I wish I was doing. Unfortunately, I'm running errands in this dripping wet bleakness bordering soggy coldness/uncomfortable sweat. It's just not worth taking off my huge down jacket once I make it to the car even though I start burning up.
I hate how my day off has been a clusterbutt of annoying tasks. First my family is down to 1 car so we all have to make the trip downtown to drop off my mom at work. Then me and my dad drive 20 minutes to the next town to the mechanics. When I get to my car I check my once leaky trunk that was "fixed" to find out that it is now flooded... not fixed. I let the mechanic know that the leak he fixed wasn't fixed at all. Since my car is awaiting parts he said he'd look at it when I drop it off again. Great. I always wanted a pimped out ride with a not-so-hot tub. So I drove my heatless portable pool crying wah wah wah all the way home.
One of my errands was taking our dog Pepe to the vet for rabies shots and a nail clipping. When Pepe was getting his nails clipped he screamed like we were cutting off his paws. Pepe would cry in agony before the vet even cut a nail. I would hate to be a dog in that waiting room. I could just see some mutt saying to his owner, "I promise I won't poop on your bed anymore. Please don't let them take me!!!". After they bandaged a bad nail he limped around like he just had an amputation. What a drama queen.
After I finished all my mandatory errands I went to a store where the swimsuit line just came in... D&B (aka Ross). I'm not a huge shopper, but I need a lap swimming suit and Ross gets some Speedos at a decent price. As I was headed into the store I noticed a homeless guy sitting near the entrance holding a "hungry" sign. I guilted (not a real word, but I don't know a better one) my boyfriend, Rez (names were changed to protect the innocent) who just bought two Wendy's burgers to give one to the homeless guy. So as I handed over the burger to man another homeless man near the exit doors yells, "hey over here!". I only had one burger. Awkward. The man I handed the burger to told me to go and give the other homeless guy the burger. I asked if he was sure. He replied that he just ate and that he was sure. So I walked over to the other homeless exit door man and told him that entrance man said he could have the food. Exit man and his cute dog were so thankful. As I walked into Ross both men called out "God Bless" and "God be with you". Wow. What selfless giving and thankfulness. I can't believe I complain so much about my life. I want to go back and delete the first part of my blog. Even though my car is constantly freezing I still have a warm house to run in to and plenty of food in it. I hate it when our lives are put in perspective.
When I left Ross I told the burgerless man that I would drive to Wendy's so he could have a burger for later. He told me that he was fine and didn't need anything right then, but thank you and God be with you. I thought for a moment, "What if this is Jesus?". It's easy to give when you have an excess or when you are giving away a burger that isn't yours (thanks Rez). It's much harder to give someone something you are also in need of. I can give away food and clothes because I have more than enough to get by. What about giving away your iPod or bicycle? Some of us might have an iPhone and still wouldn't give away an iPod even an old one. Damn perspective. I've got to stop whining. But then what will I blog about?
After the homeless humbled me I went home and continued my day. What to do different? Then on the way to grab some pizza with my family Rez noticed a car that had crashed into a ditch. He turned around to make sure everyone was ok. A kid around 18 had hydroplaned and lost control. He was pretty shook up and asked if we could take him home. Luckily it was near by... did I mention I was hungry? I guess my new outlook didn't last long. A daily reminder of how lucky I am obviously isn't enough, I guess I need an hourly reminder. We drop the kid off and head over to dinner. Phew the pizza wasn't ready yet. Oops I mean I'm so thankful that I get to spend time with my family. The pizza was quite enjoyable as well.
I'm so thankful for my cold car for getting me where I need to go and that most those places are warm.
Why didn't I just buy a Honda? Who cares if my car isn't fast, fun, and super cute. All I want now is a car that is reliable and inexpensive to fix. Who knew that a 1987 BMW would cause me so much grief? I don't remember how much I've paid in repairs over the years, but it's getting close to what a paid for, $2,000.
My car, Thorn, (she's red and every rose has it's... well you know). Brett would be proud at least. Right now my girl has 3 problems... that I know of. The worst and most reoccurring problem is my fan blower. It goes out in the summer so nothing cures my sweaty pits and leather seat burned butt. Now that it is winter and a storm just hit I miss the sauna car. When I get off work at midnights I wrap myself in a snuggie, and put on gloves before I hurry home while trying to not notice my frosty breath (I see dead car). Sometimes I have to wipe or roll down my windows because the fog has impaired my vision. This experience has brought me to tears... it's just so miserable and humbling. Oh how I wish this darn town had public transpiration.
The next problem is my right rear blinker. For as much as I love cutting people off I'd like to at least give them a little warning. Now I have to drive even more aggressively because I need to give myself a little more space to switch lanes since no one around knows its coming.
Last problem is my honkless horn. At first I figured this might be a good thing because I can get horn happy if someone cuts me off or takes too long at the light. Unfortunately, I realized that I need a horn to let oblivious people know they were about to ram into me. Luckily no crashes yet, but some pretty close calls could have been less ulcer forming if I had given the irresponsible driver a warning honk.
Last week the forecast said a storm was coming and I didn't feel like getting frostbite so I took Thorn in to the shop. When you take your car in its never an easy fix like a busted fuse or a piece you don't have to order from Bavaria. The dreaded mechanic call went like this, "Ummm Amy you need a new fan motor. The part costs $300 and the labor $100. And the blinker? Weeelll that will be another $250. Nooooooo!!!" I told the mechanic I'll pick up my car and let him know when I sell a kidney. Kidney anyone?
$650, what a thorn in my side. Can we go back to the horse and buggy days? How much are horses going for? So feeling like a preteen depending on rides the past 2 days has been all for nothing?!
I am creating a donation button below for anyone who wants to contribute to the bring back buggy cause (aka heal bleeding Thorn). If not... wanna buy a Beamer? $2,000. No? Bring on the pneumonia.
I'm back in college. No I'm not going for my master's or anything useful. Since I graduated with my degree 4 years ago I've taken at least one college class almost every semester. I just love learning. That doesn't make me a nerd. I'm just trying to avoid getting a real job.
The semester after graduation I enrolled in a Photoshop, Dreamweaver, and Spanish 1 class at my local community college. I took Photoshop and Dreamweaver with my dad and Spanish 1 with my sister. Only one of us finished all the classes. Like you need to guess who. The Photoshop class was a mistake because I already had a lot of experience editing my photography with this program. I thought the class would have progressed into something more advanced. Nope. Waste of time. The web-programming class was with a first year professor and he was all over the place. I didn't make a website or retain anything useful. You think after that experience I would have given up on continuing my learning. However, my Spanish class was amazing. It was immersed learning style, which I've come to believe is the best way to learn a language. Basically the professor talks in Spanish as much as possible and you kind of feel like you are flailing to keep your head above water, but there is no way better way to learn to swim than jumping in the deep end... at least that is what my parents thought.
The following semester I moved towns and went to another community college. This time I took German and a Best Film Directors class. I enjoyed both classes. German felt slow compared to the sink or swim Spanish class I just took. There wasn't enough German talk. It was like German culture class. I even had to do a German presentation in English. What's the point in that?
The best directors class was fascinating. Only problem was that it was a night class that was 4 hours long. After a 2 hour lecture the lights were turned off and the feature film was played. While Maltese Falcon is a critically acclaimed film it was slow, old, and in black and white so I might have had a few drool spots on my notebook on a couple occasions. This class did spark an interests in exploring the classics. For example, yesterday I just finished 12 Angry Men. I did fall asleep the first night, but made it through the second. I've realized that movies without explosions or car chases need be to watched before 9pm and sitting in a theater not laying down in bed. Next on my list is Casablanca. If you have any recommendations let me know.
Semester 3. German again. You must be thinking why German? Well during this time I was living in Germany. The worst thing about this class was the German teacher. He was brutal. He assigned us to memorize a Bible verse or worship song. I asked if I could do a non-worship song. At first he said no, but then I reminded him that he let someone else in class recite Shakespeare. Nothing like pressuring your teacher. What a mistake. So I memorized Komm Gib Mir Deine Hande (I want to hold your hand) by The Beatles. I hate speaking in front of people, but I had spent a lot of time memorizing this song. When my turn finally came I walked to the front of the class and started reciting the lyrics. The teacher made me stop and told me he expected me to sing it. What?!!! No way. The student who read Shakespeare didn't use an old english accent (or whatever accent was used back then, Shakespearean?). He was adamant. I'm a terrible singer. I mouth the lyrics at church kind of terrible singer. I quickly made the excuse that I couldn't sing without music. Then some sadistic bastard in the class pulled up the song on his computer so I could sing for everyone. I should have picked a bible verse. This was by far the most awkward embarrassing moment ever. I talked/sang my way through the song while stopping short of the long notes... Komm gib mir deine haand (my version) komm gib mir deine haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand (Beatles' version). Damn Beatles. After I sat down cheeks blazing my teacher said "so you aren't much of a singer are you?". Oh you couldn't tell by my desperate plea to not sing?
Years afterwards people would still remind me of that memorable class. My teacher even told me before I left Germany that my voice wasn't bad, but more my tone. I'm so thankful no one had an iPhone to record with that day.
Semester 4. I was so traumatized that I didn't take any classes.
Semester 5. A new German teacher was hired. Too many crying students with the last guy. She was super sweet. Too sweet. I didn't learn much, but she did showed me how to make a Christmas wreath and linzer cookies.
Semester 6. I move back home and fooled myself into thinking I was moving to S.F. in a few months so I shouldn't take any classes.
Semester 7. I was done fooling myself and enrolled in 3 classes; jazz and ballet dance classes, and web programming. All the classes were a challenge. Ballet isn't for just twinkle toes. It's a lot of work to get your legs to stay up high and look graceful. The teacher would have fit in better in Russia. I was actually scared in that class. She had no problem using beginners as an example of what not to do. Jazz class was a blast. I did run into one big dilemma halfway through the semester. Dance recital?! What?! How did I miss this? As if singing in German wasn't bad enough. Why do I torture myself? Am I subconscious masochist? Nothing like practicing your entrechats during your work break.
My web programming class was nearly as awful. Nothing like being in class with a bunch of computer geeks who already have created 10 websites as shrines for whatever gaming chick they are currently fantasizing about. Are Laura croft and Zelda still hot items? I felt like I was taking a foreign language class where everyone was already fluent. By far this was the most challenging class I've ever taken. The class was 4 hours and I made sure to do as much homework as I could during the 2 hour lab time. So after everyone skipped out I'd be the last one asking question after question. It just wasn't clicking. At first the teacher appreciated my persistence till halfway through the semester when I was the only one preventing him from going home early. I hate HTML codes!!! Damn you nerds. I was successful in Flash but of course he hardly knew anything about the program so therefore only gave it 2 weeks of lectures. Ugh.
Semester 8. Wow this is getting to be a long blog. Next up. French 2, History of rock and jazz, and guitar. Even though I've completed French 4 that was 8 years ago and they've canceled French 3 & 4. Sad. French was a fun class. Great teacher. This class was so goofy that it made it easy to speak in French without reserve.
History of rock and jazz is an amazing class. I learned so much about the birth and evolution of the music we now enjoy. I didn't know I could love jazz.
Guitar. I took this class with my sister and we were both glad when it was over since we just wanted to be able to strum along to some of our favorite songs not listen to music theory and sheet reading. Also, we had to perform at the end of the class. Again? By now you think I'd be a pro at performing. Wrong. I picked a Dylan song which I refused to sing along with. My sis picked Justin Bieber and got the crowd to sing along. Ham!
Semester 9. I decided to explore the art realm that semester. I took ceramics and print making. These were my favorite classes. I did get a little hung up trying to throw on the wheel. Who wants to make pots anyways? Printmaking is my new calling. If you are unsure what this is imagine an old clothes ringer except you pull inked plates with paper through it. That gave you a clear picture, right? This class made me think that I might be an artist. I'm obviously not a numbers person.
Semester 10. This semester I decide to stick with something I'm good at, printmaking. I love it. I also want to get into the glass blowing class. I'm at the only community college that provides this glass blowing. I really hope that some people bail so I can get it. I mean it is super dangerous and you can't make pipes so half these people taking my slot should just drop now.
I understand that if I would have just invested the same amount of time to one subject I could have achieved a masters already and maybe be on my way to a doctorate. Where's the fun in that? Who wants to get a real job and not have time for taking elective classes? Next semester wine making?
There is an endless list of things I want to do before I die and this week I didn't cross any of them off, but I did do some things I've never done before. Nothing too big, well within my means. African safaris just aren't in my budget right now. In the past week I've tried Tai Chi, knitted a hat, and baked homemade cinnamon raisin bread.
Tai Chi. I vaguely knew anything about it before I started. It looked like martial arts in slow motion. Which is pretty close to accurate. My club offers a Tai Chi class... well technically the yoga instructor provides the service for free and Tai Chi lovers donate what they can. When I showed up to class it was just me and the instructor. Uh oh. Luckily one more person showed up. I guess Redding hasn't caught on to the new trend. We were in a studio surrounded by mirrors so I could easily see how ridiculous I looked. The slowness pf the motion martial arts was a different kind of challenge. I wasn't breathing heavy or sweating. The hardest part was slowing my body down along with my mind. I realized the faster you do something the less aware you are of your body. It took a while before I stopped trying to guess the next move. The instructor said I was doing pretty well and that she could tell I used to dance... I might have mentioned I used the same room to practice for my dance recital, but I have no dance experience other than 2 college classes. I tried to be flattered, but at the same time I realized the only other participant was a 60 year old... she was great at moving slow. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'm willing to give it another try. If you are looking to sweat physically then this might not be for you, but if you want a brain sweat then definitely give it a try. We could all use some help slowing down or brains. Well maybe not all of us.
Knit hat. Wow that was easy. So easy it doesn't even feel like much of an accomplishment. All you need is some yarn and a loom. Loop, pull through, and repeat. I've already showed 3 people how to do it. Sorry if you are in the hat making business. Even though this didn't take quite the effort I expected it does feel great to wear something you made. "Oh you like my hat? Ya I made it myself. It was grueling work, but worth it."
Raisin bread. Nom Nom. I just had a leftover piece for breakfast and it was still delicious. I got the recipe from a bread making class I went to. All the recipes we went over in class were supposed to be easy. What is so hard about mixing ingredients together? The hard part is waiting for the rise and fall of the dough. For once I planned ahead and made the dough the night before. It was a good thing to because once you roll the bread up with all the ingredients it still takes another hour and forty minutes to rise in the pan before you bake it. Then 35 minutes to bake. So around 1pm I hate my delicious breakfast. I've seriously never had such soft moist raisin bread.
I'm sure you are starting to wonder how I have all this free time. Well I work nights. Also, everything I've done was free. Relatively free. I still have to pay for a gym membership to do the class. My mom bought the yarn and loom. Oh and raisin bread ingredients were about $8. Well its still cheaper than sky diving. Yes that's on my bucket list. There isn't a lot I'm not willing to try at least once. So while bakin, makin, and exercisin aren't life changing experiences they do enhance each day.
I know what you are thinking... "could this girl be anymore well rounded?"
Coincidence? After blogging about weddings last night I wake up this morning to the notification that my ex-boyfriend just got engaged. What impeccable timing? Maybe I should ask if he needs a dj. When I notified my family their first response was, "Are you ok?". Which is a normal question to ask when the person I was once in love with decided to tie the knot with someone else. My honest answer to their concerned question was just that I was shocked. We had broken up about a year and a half ago and they started dating last March... about 10 months ago. It all seems fast, but then again I like to take my time. My mom always told me that it takes about 2 years to see all the different sides of someone (this includes the engagement... I think). Someone could hide their problems for maybe a year if they are really talented, but eventually their true colors will show. The extra year is preparing for whether a lifetime together is a possibility. Then again my grandma only knew my grandpa for a month before they got married and they were together for over 50 years.
Me and my ex were together for over 1.5 years before we broke up. One problem was the different continents we were on.... the other ones aren't worth mentioning. This isn't about me convincing myself that he wasn't the one. I'm pretty sure I always knew that, but like my mom said "Amy, be careful because you can't help who you fall in love with." So true. If you like someone as a friend, but you know it wouldn't work then don't hang out with them every day. Unless they are gay... actually sometimes you can fall in love with them too.
Coincidence? I'm also peaking that hormonal time of the month so everything is wickity wack. I got trapped inside my head thinking I was getting old maidish. I feel like everyone around me is getting married. Or they are already married. Yet I still don't feel ready to get married. I plan on waiting till half my friends get divorced so I've lowered my percentages. I'm not being pessimistic or bitter. Statistics show that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. I think if I wait till the second marriage age then I've lowered my chances. When I was 19 I told my first boyfriend that I didn't want to get married till I was 28. He said he'd wait, but... well he's waiting, but not for me anymore.
As I was getting trapped in my head and emotions my mom said, "Just because you are surrounded by babies doesn't mean you have one." So wise. So true. I wish her wisdom came before I freaked on my current boyfriend telling him to hurry up and save money to buy my ring that I'm not prepared to wear. He did say he liked crazy girls... so really he brought it upon himself.
I can say I'm happy for my ex... even if it's not true. I kid. He was a great guy. I wish him the best. I had hoped he'd live in the loss of the amazing Amy for a little longer, but that's just me being selfish. I wish I was every guy's girl that got away. I'm a narcissist.
So Ex I wish you the best. Years of happiness... and only a few of regret.
Weddings. I don't know how after so many years why we still haven't figured out an online solution to wedding planning. All you do is enter your date, pick a theme (country, modern, chic), music genre, food, flowers, venue, ect. There's an app for that... right? I think it would be great to enter in all your info then be able to compare prices like you do for checking flights. If there is a website that simplifies all your choices let me know. If this were possible then what I participated in today wouldn't need to exist. Bridal fairs. Shouldn't they really be called wedding fairs in order to be politically correct. Can't have a wedding without a groom. I guess in some states you can... kudos to those states by the way.
Today as I was trying to promote me and my friends dj business I encountered many frantic and overwhelmed brides... and one or two grooms... tisk tisk grooms. I felt like I was in a farmer's market trying to convince the customer that my fruit was fresher, sweeter, and less expensive (cheaper isn't a good word to use... sounds too much like cheap). There is a reason I'm not in sales. It's exhausting talking to people. Which is probably why I don't have many friends. I realized that our setup wasn't as flashy or prestigious as other djs booths, but we were the cheapest (I mean best deal).
I don't really care to talk about my sales pitching skills, but rather the thousands of brides and their victims that passed through the halls of the wedding smorgasbord. Even though I'm not any where close to walking down any aisle, but one's shelved with edibles I went through the torture chambers of the bridal fair booths. Wow there are a lot of different things trying to convince of it's necessity in your wedding. For example, I was stationed next to a woman who had doves that you could release after the ceremony. Doves? There were lovely creatures, but do you have any lions that will walk me down the aisle? Or wolf cubs to hold the flowers? Now that would be awesome. Nothing against doves.
There was over 150 venues. From photographers and cinematographers, djs (the most important), caterers, bakers, florists, stylists, dress designers, plastic surgeons (cause the person who asked you to marry them needed you to change some physical appearances first. "Well sweetheart I guess we can't get our rings engraved in order to pay for the boob job."), personal trainers, and so on. There are so many different decisions to make. I got anxiety just through the vibes of the consumers were putting out. And my family wonders why I don't want to do wedding photography. So much stress. How could anyone afford all this? How do you decide what's important and what's not necessary? I'm so glad I'm "waiting" until all my friends get married do so I can learn from their mistakes.
All I want is someone to get everything ready for me and not have to worry. Eloping to Vegas is starting to look better and better. I'm hoping that by the time I'm ready to tie the knot around my neck everything will be programmed online. A girl can dream can't she? Maybe over the years I'll just make friends in every different type of wedding field... "Oh you are an event planner? My name is Amy let's be friends." I guess I better start work on my communication endurance. Weddings. Is it really worth it? I guess there is only one way to find out.
If I get too old for a Vegas wedding go ahead and give me all your recommendations. I feel like I should be prepared years in advance... for planning my sister's wedding of course. I'm not the wedding type. Not that I don't want to get married. I just don't want what I've seen today. I'm thinking cirque du soliel theme. They have lions right?
As for wedding dresses go I won't drag everyone along to endure in my indecision. Besides I won't really care about anyone's opinion anyways. It'll be short. It'll be danceable. And I plan on looking hot as hell... Umm... where was that personal training booth again?
I'm not discounting the holy matrimony in every... I mean any... way. I enjoy weddings... as long as they have an open bar... and a great dj of course.
Oh yes he is adorable. No thanks I don't need to hold him. I don't know what it is, but babies make me nervous. They are just so fragile. It's one thing to hold someone's kitten and accidentally drop it (cause it'll land feet first) or feed it the wrong kitty food, but if you did something to someone's baby that's endless guilt and a potential lawsuit. I'm a practical person and it's just not worth the risk. Also, I think babies sense my stress and anxiety when I hold them because the calm sleeping baby turns into a crying fit of accusations. At least that is what it feels like.
Today as I was walking into the hospital to see my friend's new born I told my mom don't pressure me to hold him. It didn't take long before my mom picked up the sleeping porcelain doll... and tried to run away with it. She wishes. I know that some people, well most people, find babies to be adorable. I guess there is a certain endearing innocent squishy quality about them, but to be honest I'm more of a puppy and kitty lover. Now those are always cute. You can't tell me you've never seen an ugly baby. Also tiny furry friends seem so much more durable, playful, and already have an idea of how to defend itself. Have you ever seem a 4 month old baby play fetch?
Maybe there is something wrong with me? I know my mom thinks so. She loves babies. It's to the point that every time she hold or even sees one she gives me a disappointed look because I have yet to produce her a grandchild. If she wants another baby to give her more grey hairs I know Africa is handing them out. They have some cute babies.
As I passively observed the slumbering flesh ball my mom cooed and cawed she tried to convince me that all of the world's happiness could fit into 1 inch booties and a teddy bear onsie. I was then guilted into holding the little guy. If I was a mom I would make people do trial runs on a doll before I handed over my supposedly "greatest joy". Omg he's so light in my arms that are so stiff to make sure he doesn't slip through. Everything's so miniature, nose, eyes, even little bits of leg hair. I know you're expecting me to say that my heart was melted the moment I touched this little angel I couldn't wait to have one of my own. Well sorry to disappoint you. All I thought was how long do I have to hold him so the mom and my mom are satisfied? Ok my 3 minutes is up. Take him before he starts crying and I look like a jerk. Phew. Me and the baby both survived.
I don't want anyone to think I'm a baby hater. I just don't favor smaller humans over bigger ones. All humans have the same value to me and I treat them all with the same respect. Everyone else is just being an ageist. It's ok I forgive you, but I expect you to work on it. So the next time you are dangling keys in front of lil miss giggles remember the slow old grandpas that give you road rage before you cut him off. They were once babies too. So maybe we should treat everyone like babies. We all know plenty of adults that act like them. Only difference is if I drop them on their head it won't be on purpose... I mean accident... I'm kidding. Geez calm down... don't be a baby.
Sorry mom you better start pressuring Anna to reproduce.
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. My mind feels so clear when I'm in the pool doing laps. It's just me and my thoughts. Someone once told me that they aren't creative enough to swim. He said that he didn't like his mind being that open to try and create distractions from constant swimming. I however love just hearing the water and my thoughts. There's nothing like getting out of the pool after a nice swim. Muscles are relaxed and tired, but refreshed. I know many people don't enjoy swimming even though it is one of the best harmless activities. Even 90 year old people can enjoy a slow paddle or aqua aerobics.
I learned to swim around 2 years old because we had a pool at our house and my parents were afraid I would sneak out and drown. I can actually remember crying in the pool when I was getting my first lessons. Even at a young age you learn that no matter how upset you are that when the instructor says hold your breath right before the dunk you definitely take a nice inhale and hold. The moment you get out the water you resume crying, but the instructors never seemed to be phased by it.
My parents got so much satisfaction from taking me and my sister to the public pools to watch other parents jump out of the seats when they saw a 3 and 5 year old jump into the water because they didn't expect us to know how to swim. Demented parents, trust me I know. It wasn't too long before I was competing in swim meets and getting the nice blue ribbons (participation award).
I don't know why I transitioned from swimming to tennis. Swimming is so simple. All you really need is water. With tennis you need a court, racket, balls, opponent, proper shoes, and clothes. Maybe I was just trying to make it hard on my parents.
Now that I'm older and somehow I injured my hip (that'll take a whole blog to cover) all I do is yoga and swimming. I now understand why I quit swimming. It's not simple. It's a hassle. I'd love to say I just walk outside my mansion to my limitless pool or private ocean beach whenever I feel like it and swim till the dolphins take me home. The only problem is that I'm not a pretentious jerk with a billion dollars to blow... oh but how I wish I was. Instead I grab my swimsuit, swim cap (yes I look adorable in it), goggles along with all my shower accessories eg. shampoo, deep conditioner (because chlorine and hair aren't friends), and a towel. Then I go the gym's pool and hope that the water's warmer than it is outside.
First I do the slow dip while trying to stay on my tippy toes to keep my chest above water... for some reason that's always the hardest to dunk when it's cold. I wish I could say that I just dived in and took off swimming like back when I looked cute in a one piece. Unfortunately, I realized that if you haven't swam in a while it can be quite a challenge. It's not all hop in and doggie paddle like the good ol' days. There are many difficulties you can face in the water... besides not knowing how to swim. Number one priority is getting a swimsuit that is sturdy enough to stay on you. So your sun bathing bikini isn't the best choice. Also, make sure you don't buy a white swim suit not realizing that once it's wet it's see through. For some reason you are never alone in the shower when you have this revelation. You might be standing in front a crowd who are all trying to learn how to swim with the dolphins when you notice that people can see more than just that you're cold... honestly though what asshole makes a see through swimsuit? Anywho... I just feel really bad for that um friend who had that unfortunate experience.
Another common problem I have while swimming is water getting into my goggles. No mater how fancy the Michael Phelps sponsored goggles are they always leak every now and then. Then the rest of the day you have to explain why your eyes are so bloodshot... Geez guys it's just the chlorine. I'm trying to be like Phelps... wait not like that... fine I'll do the drug test.
The swim cap. I'm not quite sure of it's purpose other than to make me look even more foolish since it doesn't prevent the chlorine from destroying my hair. So it's must be to keep hair out of my eyes along with ripping out strands when I put it on or take it off. But let's just say that your suit isn't see through, your goggles don't leak, and your adorable swim cap keeps your locks in check then all you have left to do is push off the wall and don't stop.... well until you get to that next wall. I don't know how many times I've hit my head or the back of my hand on the wall. They should really put cushions there to prevent concussions. It took me about 20 times swimming over 100 laps to remember how to turn on the wall. I guess I could have just done the stop and turn, but if my 8 year old self can do it then it should come back to me at some time... just like riding a bike. Once I finally mastered the turn and could do a non-stop push off the wall it felt amazing. No more floundering and hitting my head. I finally got it... "Hey Amy where did you learn to do your turns?" asked the gym's swim coach. Damn. So it still needed improvement. Secretly I watched the swim team and mimicked how they did it. Ya their way was better. Barely.
The next most detrimental problem I have in swimming is getting water up my nose. Why does it hurt so much? It feels like a hot prong went into my brain and no matter how much I blow through my nose it won't go away. If I was ever going to torture someone I would force them to try turns in the pool... that's bound to create bruises and send lava into their nostrils.
Don't forget the swimmer's ear. Seriously why do I even swim? This is a dangerous sport. Who cares about relaxed muscles and a clear mind. I can't believe 90 year olds do this. Maybe it is all the problems that you endure in swimming that make it so rewarding when you get out of the pool? I hope this blog didn't discourage you from swimming... unless you swim at my gym. I hate sharing a lane.
"Hey Mr Grump Gills
You know what you gotta do when life gets you down?
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming swimming swimming
What do we do we swim, swim, swim
OH HO HO How I love to swim"
my new swimsuit... also what not to wear swimming laps
So due to yesterday's intervention I went to help my sister create a beauty vlog this morning. I gave her instructions on what to have ready for when I got there.
Anna's list:
1. Outline what we are trying to accomplish
2. Set up lights (the beauty dish we are lucky enough to borrow)
3. Hang up back drop (black blanket)
4. Figure out what camera you want to use (iPhone 4s)
5. Write down what you are gonna say
I show up at 11:30 and everything is set up and ready to go. I'm actually impressed till I see that the camera (iPhone) was turned vertically. Where have I gone wrong? Has anyone seen a vertical tv or computer? Why do people film vertically? Easy 90 degree fix. Ok ready to go. Lights, camera, action... Ummm... wait I keep forgetting what I'm gonna say.
Well did you write a script? Oh you didn't. Ugh actors (eye roll). I'm sure even Jim Carry memorized a script back when he did stand up. This isn't freestyle Eminem. If anyone should know that even some kind of outline is helpful if not totally necessary it should be someone who has 2 mil hits on their video. Or are you too good to memorize lines now? Did that successful video have a script? Well yes it did. Tisk tisk. Luckily I was there to save the day.
By the time I walked the dog she was prepared with a little outline to keep her on track. See that wasn't so bad. With a guideline and some of my tricks of the trade it only took another couple times... multiplied by lots of tries till we got it.
My favorite part of the day is when my sister said, "I'm over this. I didn't know it was going to be this much work." Geez and she hasn't even edited it yet. I wonder if she remembers yesterday when she asked me oh so provokingly if 1 video a week was too much for me? I can't wait to repeat it to her. Isn't intervention great?!
Everyone keep your makeupless eyes open for the amazing You're Not Pretty Enough beauty vlog by world renowned make-up artist Anna Brown.
The beauty dish... makes sure you don't have any ugly shadows
She picked up mom's Starbucks addiction.
After she reads this blog she'll wish she never interventioned me. Mwuahhahaha.
