The humbling moment when you realize that last week you might have been an irrational, hyper-sensitive, psychotic bitch... In the moment you feel like finally everything makes sense and you just acquired the confidence to voice your injustices. No I'm not about to start my period. I just had it ummm... 1...2... maybe 3 weeks ago. Damn. But that is besides the point this is how I feel!
Although at any time of the month if you ask how my diets going while I'm eating pizza I'm not going to respond well. I might not always spit the food out and go in bed and cry, but... "wtf are you trying to say... you asshole!!!" might be a close second. So when that certain visitor inside yourself comes there should be some protocol to follow. Fight or flight. When my sis is peaking hormonal breakout I choose the latter. When I'm the helpless victim to mother nature (that bitch) all I want is constant affirmation, to be left alone, never left alone, chocolate, healthy food, can't you see I'm on a diet! I pity those who can't seem to get it right.
Dooms day. Yesterday I was punished once again by biology. As I wondered around the house sick with a cold I look at clock as it read 12pm and realized that my class was starting now not 1pm like I thought. I rushed to class where I waited for 2 hours as the professor went over safety tips for the beginners. During that time I got a visit from Charlie. Really Charlie? Damn insensitive intruder. I thought that visit wasn't for another month of two. Guess that damn bf was right. Then my teacher points out "paint" (aka toothpaste for my zit) on my face. How did I forget to wipe that off? Ugh. I'm going back to my dungeon. Don't wake the dragon. Unless you love to be around the mix of a flesh eating zombie having a temper tantrum and a god complex? That's what I thought. See you soon. Bring chocolate.
Today I told my bf that I'm starting an allergy free food diet on Monday and that he will be supportive or I'll rip his f•••ing face off! Now that was someone I loved. So beware. But if you do bring me chocolate I'll love you forever. Well until I start my diet... cause if I see you with chocolate then... I keel you.
Now you might think I'm a little crazy, but it could be so much worse. I heard this on the news, a lady named Becker drugged her husband then as he was asleep she cut off his penis and threw it in the garbage disposal. Ouch. All she told authorities were "He deserved it.". True story. Maybe he didn't do his dishes... or put the seat down... or indirectly said something about her body. Crazy huh. Everyone knows to wash their dishes. I mean after you work all day then come home and make a delicious meal the undeserving swine has a choice between doing the dishes after commenting on how great the meal was oooor keeping his pecker. Guess that guy made the wrong choice. Tisk Tisk. This should be a lesson to all otherwise your girl might go Becker on your pecker.
 |
| something like that |
 |
| I'll bite your head off |
No comments:
Post a Comment